WE HAVE HAD THE KIDS 1 YEAR! TODAY IS OUR GOTCHA DAY AND WHAT A YEAR IT HAS BEEN!

ONE YEAR-how can that be?!

 

As I sit here and reflect on all that this year has been, it is really hard to put it into words.  A lot of the advice we got when we came home, was, "Give it a year, you will be settled by then".  Well, here we are and although we are "settled", we are still unsettled if that makes sense.  I am guessing that it is going to take 2-3 years to really feel and be "settled" to be rooted in deep. 

Now as I say that, I can honestly say that this year has probably been the toughest one of my life, and not just for me but for every member of this family.  You see, the great change that happened when we brought two new bodies into our home was pretty extreme. It is something that you simply can't prepare for.

It is like being pregnant with your first baby and reading everything you can get your hands on, talking to as many people as you can that have had a baby, going to all of the classes and running through a million scenario in your mind. But then, THEN, you are actually IN labor and you actually have to endure that mind boggling pain and there is just NO way that you could have ever known how it would feel, what would happen, or  how you would deal with the pain.  Not only that, the labor was hard enough, and you realized you couldn't have even prepared for it, but now you have this little being that has been thrown in your life and ahhhhh! What do you even do with it! :-)

Yep, pretty much NO way to prepare, so you just jump in and go for it.

Yes, we have made (MANY) mistakes this year.  Yes, we have felt the growing pains like NO other in our lives and YES, it has been the hardest thing we have done at times. However, we are walking where God the Father wants us and WOW - we know inside that it has been the best thing we could have done!

For if we didn't, IF we hadn't jumped and said yes to them, if we would have just sat down and figured that "someone else will take them", we would have missed out BIG time!  Not only on ALL of the lessons we have learned this year, but also on this journey that he had planned for us from before time began.  This was not a mistake, this was His perfect plan. He knew that Beti and Haile would be without parents, this wasn't a surprise to Him.  He knows the fear, the pain and the suffering they went through and yet He also knew that we were the ones he had planned for them from the creation of the world.  This was His plan, not a second best, but His plan. 

So, I have to say, YES to the hard, yes to the uncertainty of what the future will bring, yes to the pain, the scary emotions, the fear and the walking with hurting and grieving children. Because of this, we are IN it- we are not just by-standards  we actually get the privileged of being IN this - this amazing story that only God knows the ending to. Because HE is writing this story!  And that my friends, I continue to learn, is all I need to know.

So just as the kids are growing and attaching to us, the fear is leaving not only from them, but from me, the worry is fading, as we fix our eyes on Him.   As we all continue to move forward, we are learning to trust Him more which leads us to trust each other more, as He heals all of our hearts.

 

You see, most people think it is THEM that are having to learn all of these new and scary things, but really, I have come to see, it is also me, it is us, our family.  We are all learning and growing together.  Our roots are just starting to take hold.  I can feel it. I am beginning to see that we are all being grafted together into one family.  But I have to say, grafting hurts-it has to!  I mean-does this look like it would feel good?

But because of the pain of grafting, look what comes out of it!

My sister wrote this about adoption and I love it!
This is how I picture a family blessed by earthly adoption. It's like a diversely colorful, grafted tree. The genes may be different, but together all the branches grow, flourish, and represent one whole tree brought together through purposeful design.

"...The adopted child is like the branch of one tree that is removed and grafted into a different tree and becomes one with the new tree. The new tree nurtures the branch and allows it to grow and become fruitful..."

One year ago this week, I posted this blog post about how we were doing being newly home and trees have always been in my mind as we got home and we walk this journey:  http://adamandamberstutzman.blogspot.com/2012/08/as-we-continue-this-new-journey-with.html

 As I read it the post above, I can feel it.  I can feel the emotions that I had back there.  I can feel how it was to be just home, scared and starting down this road.
The pruning that God has done this year is amazing, the working on bringing out the yucky in us and snipping it off is also painful, but needed. 

 

Another friend reminded me that this is also a time of "refiners fire". 
We are being refined into what He wants us to be, what
He wants us to become.  This also describes this year and as we continue this journey, we being refined.
So, Hard, YES indeed, but good all the same.  We are here not by chance and not by some random doing, we are here because a loving Father wanted to stretch and grow us into who He wants us to be and the family He wants us to become, as we give a new life to kids who needed a family.

 
Please continue to pray for our family and our bonding to Haile and Beti -we SO feel it when others are praying!  
I want to thank each and every person that have helped to carry us this year, have prayed for us, have been there right beside us to help us see HIM and continue to walk toward Him each step of the way.  There are days when the mountain looks too steep to climb, and those are the days that people have either pulled, or at times, carried us a few steps, until we get our footing.  For the blessings of watching our kids so that Adam and I can spend a couple hours together, to having our family over for dinner, to the hand-me-down clothes, to the listening to me when I need to just talk, all of these are such blessings-we can't express our thanks enough!
It may take several years to get there, but I believe we will through His Grace alone!!

In closing, I wanted to share this song-it has been the song that has carried me this year as He has NEVER left us!
Love you friends!

"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
Lamentations 3:22-23