I am learning more and more all the time that clinging to Him is the place that He wants us to be, and as our roots start to attach to each other and as we work hard to build our new family, we are beginning to see some light shooting into our lives.
The sustaining part is that we don't walk alone! This walk, I am learning, is all about faith and grace. We stepped out in faith because we felt that God was leading us to do more, to reach out and take a chance for two little lives that needed to not only have a family, but in the bigger perspective, to be raised to know Him.
Now that we are in it, faith has taken on a whole new meaning, but this is where His grace enters. The things that seem insurmountable, that are sitting there in front of us, are stinking scary!
Haile is already 13, which means we have only a short time to teach him all that he needs to learn. I keep thinking, "HOW are we going to do it all, how will we teach him everything he needs to know to function on his own and live in America? He has missed so much already and is at about the level of a small child in terms of knowledge. He should have had 13 years to learn these things and we are starting at square one, with only a very short time left to teach him!" It is so overwhelming, this task. From cultural norms, to reading, writing, speaking English, to teaching him about Jesus, integrity, values and safety issues, just to list a very few. It can make me crazy to think of the job we have.
But, just when I start to think of all of the "what-ifs", God sends what I need. He did this in the form of a dear lady, whom I consider a cherished friend. She came over, prayed with me and reminded me, ever so gently, that "This isn't your thing, this is GOD'S thing. These are HIS children and He has the plan. You just have to walk with him, let him lead you and turn these kids over to the Lord, as you do the best that you can. He will write out their futures."
Wow, and then just like a light coming on, I realized that this isn't about how WE will teach them these things. This is God's thing, this all is about being obedient to HIM. He ordained this, it is His plan, and it is His, these kids are HIS. HE is writing this story, their story.
And I take a deep breath and pray, "Use me Lord"....
"Through the good, through the hard, I want to be in this story, I want to be used by You and I want to be In Your Plan-right in the middle of it. Right where it is hard, because it is in the hard that we are right where we should be-clinging to our Savior."
We have to have trust that God is leading us, in order to get through this journey and to keep walking on, keep working hard, and simply to keep stretching ourselves to the point that it hurts.
I can't imagine doing this without Him!
Another mom that has been home about the same length as us said this, "If we would just trust that God is bigger than us, that He knows better than us, and that He has only our best interests in mind....then maybe we would be willing to obey Him just a little more often." Read the rest here - love her writings-can so relate!:
This may sound weird to some people, but as I think about growth, (and I am sure that being an OB nurse has caused me to relate how I feel to a pregnancy issue). But one thought that comes to mind, about this time in our lives, is the thought of stretch marks that pregnant women often get. They are there, and they may not be pretty, and they leave "scars", but something beautiful comes from them. This is how walking the journey of adopting older children is. There are things in their life that are already scarred, but yet because of these things that are happening, something beautiful will come from these scars.
The hard is hard, it is sad, frustrating, and there are points that I want to turn and run. But we walk on, and Jesus is walking right beside us -and at times carrying us.
The good is wonderful-the hugs, the kisses, the "I love you moms" they are all worth it and this is the light that is beginning to shine through.
But the hard is simply hard. It hurts, it is trying, and it isn't fun. It is so about repeating the same things over and over. About trying for the 10th time that day to teach the same SINGLE lesson. BUT, it is necessary, it is where He wants us, and it is a process of tremendous growth. Do I always like it, NO. It is always easy, fun, wonderful? No, but I feel it is necessary. I WANT to be where He wants me.
Taken from a friends post on FB-love it- SO true! ....
"It is HARD, but IT IS GOOD. Don't ever let the hard (or fear of hard) stop you. If He gives it - RUN with it. By His grace, amidst the ugly, there is GLORY."